We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
