When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
