Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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