girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
