party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My balls are so social today.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
