Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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