have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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