K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
