it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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