omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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