all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
