I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
