Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
