Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
