Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize