You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize