Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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