dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
