i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
