i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
