and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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