Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
