is your mom at the bar?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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