i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
