Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
