worst night to have a conscience
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I AM VODKA MAN
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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