And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
