The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
