I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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