Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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