please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
