Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
