I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
