What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize