have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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