I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
