I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
