I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We talked him into tasing himself.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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