Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
