idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
