you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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