I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
