these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
