If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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