Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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