Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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