if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I see more hoeing in ur future
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