Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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