We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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