No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
