i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
