it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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