Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
