I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
