she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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