So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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