Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
