They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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