you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
