I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize