i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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