I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
