I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
