You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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