he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
