i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're too hungover to prance.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
