i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
