I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
