So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
