I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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