I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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