I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
