It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
