I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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