I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
