You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
