More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
