The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
