I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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