well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
