Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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