I got chris browned last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
